TODAY we have a SAUCY topic: sex.

Well, rather we are talking about the lack thereof and one of the most commonly asked questions among Christian couples who are dating or not dating yet…

how far is too far?

While this is a topic that could get rated R we are going to keep it PG-13, but still if you have young listeners, we recommend that you listen with caution or listen later because this is a SAUCY topic.

LET’S DIVE IN. How far is too far?

I will unashamedly admit I have wondered this question myself pre-marriage and even looked it up and I was always frustrated when people wouldn’t give me specific instructions on how far too far was. and I especially was annoyed when people would say we shouldn’t be asking that question trying to get as close to the line as possible, because I personally wasn’t trying to get as close to the line as possible I just wasn’t sure what was right and wrong. I had heard how “far” or “not far” others had gone in relationships wondering if that was totally fine and I had no idea or if that is something God was not for.

With all that said, I’ll dive in.

1. As much as I hated it said, the question we’re supposed to ask is not how far. Now it might be if you’re looking for general guidance on what’s ok but IF your heart is to get as close to the line as possible, I encourage you to take 20 steps back and I’ll explain why.
2. The convictions are different for everyone BUT there is right and wrong. So some might wait to kiss until their wedding day and others don’t see a problem so the advice can get tricky because different people have different convictions. but I am going to say something that might be a SHOCKER to many people. There is right and wrong when it comes to pre marital intimacy. And here’s a fact: Sex is not just intercourse. Oral and digital sex are still considered SEX. In fact, most woman orgasm more with oral and digital sex than they do with penetration, AND SO, those types of sex are in fact SEX. Your guess for how far is too far question may have gotten pushed back about 2 bases. Or maybe it’s right where it needs to be
3. The Bible doesn’t give specifics but it does have verses like these and these verses are actually a very helpful guide and very CONSERVATIVE guide for the answer to how far is too far.
• Galatians 5 mentions that the works of the FLESH include not only sexual immorality but IMPURITY and SENSUALITY
• Romans 13:13 calls us to not walk in sexual immorality and SENSUALITY
• Matthew 5:27-28 says “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” SO if you are lusting even it is sin.
• When I started to dive into what scripture said years ago about how far too far is I found so many verses that referred to even sensuality and lust as sin. Sensuality is defined as the enjoyment, expression or pursuit of physical, especially sexual pleasure. Lust is defined as very strong sexual desire. It’s not just sexual intercourse. It’s WAY before intercourse. Does what you’re doing stir up or is stirred up by lust or sensuality? That’s too far.
• I also dove into verses about a new goal on the opposite end of the spectrum of how far is too far: a pure heart.
• Psalm 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
• 2 Timothy 2:22 So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
• 1 Peter 2:11 Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.

If I am striving for a pure heart then I am not seeking even lust or sensuality let alone how far is too far SEXUALLY.

I heard Bianca Olthoff say once, “If you wouldn’t do it in front of mama, don’t do it.”

BEFORE I CLOSE, I want to say this because I think the statistic is that 80% of unmarried Christians have had some form of sex. I think that’s the stat, no one quote me on that, but here’s more TRUTH: Friend, there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. You are made new at the cross. Sexual sin is not the unforgivable sin or the worst sin. You are a spotless child of God because Jesus died for your sin. IT IS SIN. Sin that needs to be repented of and turned from, but it is sin Jesus can forgive, cleanse, redeem. You are a beautiful child of God who sinned like everyone else in this world who has sinned which is everyone. Don’t let the Devil lead you to believe that you are stained or unforgivable or that you’ll be judged beyond compare. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. None.